Heart Pains

Being in-love is the greatest thing that God must have given to us. It expresses the real you and practicing to be selfless just to please the other person.

It's been a while not entertaining of being in-love. I always have the excuses of workload and so many friends around me. Hence, I totally took for granted of returning back the admirations of other people given to me. Also, the heart itself has forgotten too to open and be alive.

A couple of male friends tend to be "extra" nice and expressing their feelings toward me including this guy that I have been seeing for the last 5 years. Through the years, we've been close but no commitment I should say. Eventually, I learned to open my heart again and returned back the admirations to him. Honestly, it was a great feeling and I was glad that I realized I am a normal being again. Unfortunately, things turned out sour when I accidentally found out that this person that I'm beginning to love is also seeing others not just one but two (I guess more). I initially felt numb and ashamed of myself for why I allowed this thing to happen. I want to cry but I can't. I want to nag him but I didn't. I want to throw his mobile phone but I preferred to pretend that I don't know anything about his being a "great lover". I guess, the reason why I'm doing this is a little pride of mine is controlling to keep myself sane and take things objectively. Well, that's being a princess ;-)

Again, my heart still feel pains. With so much of it as if it will going to burst. But then again, I keep things to myself. He's still around being nice...but no thanks. I guess that he doubts now why suddenly I'm too busy for him. One day, when I'm ready and has put everything in me in proper places, I'll confront him without a blink of an eye... but now, pains are still running around my heart and trying to freeze it just not feel the pains.